The Essentials of Communication

Communication is the basis of all human cooperation. It is a God-given ability that must be cultivated and developed.

Communication reflects the nature and character of God. He is the source of all communication. In eternity past, the triune God was in perfect communication and fellowship with Himself. He created man to be in communication with Him as well. But sin broke that communication and left man at enmity with God.

As soon as sin entered the world, people began to suffer communication breakdown. They began to lie to one another and to God. Hatred soon drove them to violence and even murder.

Sin inhibits communication. It causes us to build walls to hide behind instead of bridges to reach out to others. Our own selfishness causes us to communicate hatred and criticism.

Many families are plagued with communication problems. Husbands and wives often don't know how to talk with each other. In many cases, parents and young people cannot talk without yelling. Even the kids may not get along.

Misunderstandings always result from communication breakdown. It leads to judging, condemning, and criticizing. It causes us to develop self-justifying techniques, and we never really get honest with each other. What are the keys to effective communication?

Honesty. We cannot really understand one another unless we get honest about ourselves and our needs. How many times have you sensed that someone was upset, but when you asked what was wrong, the response was "Nothing!"

Lying is a denial of the truth. We learn it from earliest childhood, and we perfect it throughout our adult years. All too often we are afraid to be honest with God, ourselves, and others. That is when communication breaks down. If you really want to communicate, be honest.

Sincerity. People can tell when you really care about them, and when you don't. Sincerity is another key to genuine communication. The Scripture tells us that we are to love one another and bear each other's burdens (see Galatians 6:2). We can do that effectively only when we really care about one another.

The Scripture urges us, Let not the sun go down upon your wrath (Ephesians 4:26). When we do get angry or upset about something, we are to resolve that conflict immediately. Don't let even one day pass without eliminating your anger. Learn to forgive each other and be reconciled together.

Encouragement. Everyone needs to be encouraged. Negative communication tears people down. Positive communication builds them up. The apostle Paul urged believers to use their mouths to edify (build up) one another. Thereby, we minister grace to all who hear us (Ephesians 4:29).

One of the greatest ministries you could ever have is to become a spiritual encourager. Use your mouth to cheer everyone up, not to tear everyone down.

Every church is plagued with spiritual critics who spend their time finding fault with everything and everybody. As a rule, you will never find these people working or serving effectively themselves. They are too involved cursing the darkness to light a candle to help out.

Kindness. Nothing overcomes conflict like kindness. It can melt hard hearts, heal wounded spirits, and change belligerent attitudes. The Scripture says, And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32).

Here the apostle Paul urges us to act like Christians, and not like pagans. Don't blow up! That only makes things worse, such behavior is not of God. It is a worldly and selfish response to problems, and is certainly not a biblical response. Overreactions drive people away from us. Bitterness destroys communication and prevents us from being effective witnesses for Christ.

A sweet disposition attracts others to us. When couples are courting, their communication is filled with sweetness and kindness. After marriage, they may begin to take each other for granted, no longer giving time and effort for each other, as they once did. When the flame of love begins to flicker, they wonder what went wrong.

Start communicating kindness again both by words and actions. It will turn indifference into compassion, and bitterness into forgiveness.

Purpose. Too many people spend their whole lives talking about nothing. Time is precious and words are powerful. Use them to their fullest. Don't waste your life on small talk. Learn to talk about things of eternal and spiritual significance.

The Christian understands the meaning and purpose of life in a way the unbeliever never could. You have something to say that the world needs to hear. Don't waste opportunities. Make opportunities to tell others about Christ.

Your ability to communicate is one of the greatest gifts you have. Use it to the glory of God. Point others to Christ. Tell them about heaven and how to get there. Encourage fellow believers. Talk about the blessings of God in your life. The Bible says, Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man (Colossians 4:6).